Confessions of a Recovering Workaholic
Ever feel like there aren’t enough hours in the day, and that it’d take at least a month to get everything done that you’ve crammed on your to-do list? You ever feel overwhelmed by it, yet you are always adding more and beating yourself up when you’re not able to get it done? (Surprise! No one can. You’re not alone.)
I have. This used to be my everyday reality, because I was taking my business and my day job and using it to fill every single minute of my day with busy work. Now, while I still have issues sometimes, there is a sense of balance in my life that I’d never experienced before.
Busy is Not a Badge of Honor
A little about me: I’m a full time middle school teacher and owner of two businesses, while also running house and supporting Mr. Grizzly. (Click here for my full story.) To say that I have my plate full would be a bit of an understatement.
For the longest time, I liked it that way. I wore busy as a badge of honor, and I felt satisfaction in people’s disbelief in what I was putting myself through. I told myself that this showed that I was working hard, that this was showing myself that I would be able to achieve what I wanted because I was putting the work in.
The Ugly Truth
In 2022, I was at a craft show and I was talking with a fellow crafter. I was explaining to him what my show schedule that year looked like (I spent over 30 days at markets that year, more than a month of time devoted to it.) He could sense my harried energy, and he suggested to me that after things wrap up for the season, I sit and work through why I felt the need to do all of this. I knew immediately why, and I shared with him, “It’s because I don’t feel like I’m enough.”
Oof.
That really struck me, and it was a turning point in my entrepreneurial journey. I was constantly chasing after the next thing, doing more and more and more because I was running away from this feeling of emptiness and unworthiness I held in the core of my being. If I just achieved x, y, and z. If I worked the longest hours. If I had the best lesson plans. If I did the most sewing or shows, then I would be worth it, right?
Healing and the Goo Year
I wish I could say that after that show day, I knew what I needed to do and I was able to turn my life around immediately. Anyone who’s done any sort of healing work knows that healing, especially emotional wounds, is not an instant practice. It takes time, rewiring thought patterns and habits to become a better version of myself.
I took a giant step back in 2023. I spent some time getting quiet with myself, which let me tell you was NOT an easy task. For someone whose brain is always running a million miles an hour, quiet was not on my list of fun things to do. But I knew that was what I needed to do to fix my addiction to stress. Stress and fight or flight had become my baseline, so I was chasing all these things to keep me stressed to bring me back to what my body believed was equilibrium.
Top 3 Tips for the Aspiring Ex-Workaholic
- You are a priority.
This is something that is a constant practice. You are inherently worthy of good things because you are alive, but you are also always going to be with yourself. Make some time, even five minutes a day, or one minute, or 30 seconds. Make sure that you do something you truly enjoy every day.
- Health is wealth.
I started to eat better and move more. No longer because I needed to do these things to whittle myself down to the smallest I could be, but because I FELT better when I did these things. I felt the difference, and I could show up more authentically myself when I felt better.
- Habits are a game changer.
Once I started building habits (for cleaning the dishes, brushing my teeth, movement) into my daily life, that’s when I started to see momentum build. I didn’t have to remind myself to do the dishes- I did them right after we finished eating dinner. I didn’t have to remind myself to eat breakfast- I had my protein shake while I walked on my treadmill in the morning. This opened up brainspace for other things once I had these down pat.
This has been a long road, but it is undoubtedly worth it. Recovering from my workaholism made it so I was able to show up in my own life as the main character, not an NPC. I know you can do the same, too.
